


Whatever Souls Are Made Of

by RemyJane



Series: Soulmates [5]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Rookie Year, Stand Alone, soulbond, soulmates meeting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-06 16:31:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18854806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RemyJane/pseuds/RemyJane
Summary: It felt like home.Alex lifted a hand to the back of Nicklas’ head, fingers tangling in his hair. Their bond flowed even warmer and Alex never wanted to move; he wanted to stay there forever, with his bondmate in his arms-‘Forever, but with a break for food?’ Nicklas suggested, smiling when Alex laughed out loud. Alex could feel the smile, could feel his happiness, and he immediately knew he was going to spend the rest of his life chasing that sensation.———Alex and Nicky first meet.





	Whatever Souls Are Made Of

Alex knew the Capitals wanted to draft Nicklas Backstrom. Alex knew, because they’d asked him for his opinion. Alex had watched an impressive amount of game tape and he dreamt of the plays they could make together. He felt like he already knew Backstrom, already knew his hockey anyway. 

Alex couldn’t learn enough about the Swede. He scoured the internet for more videos, shaky hand-held cameras, highlights only in Swedish that he had no chance at understanding. He wasn’t exactly sure why, but he just needed more. 

He was curious enough, overly invested enough, that he asked to go to the draft. Ted Leonsis had seemed surprised, but George McPhee hadn’t; to be fair, George had gotten to know Alex well over the season he’d lived with him. 

The draft was overwhelming.

Alex barely understood what was going on around them, everyone speaking rushed English that he couldn’t quite process. He knew enough to smile and nod, staying close to George’s side the whole time. 

George grinned at him, bumping their arms together. “Alright?” He asked. 

“Uh huh. Lots….just lots.” Alex admitted with a sheepish grin. “Talk so fast.”

“I know.” George shook his head. “Let’s go get lunch, ok?”

“Yeah, ok.” Alex agreed. 

Alex had questions about how everything worked, but he didn’t have a translator, so it wouldn’t do him much good to ask about technicalities. 

His head was starting to ache too, and he had the feeling that someone was talking to him but he couldn’t quite hear. 

His bond was still vague and ambiguous, but his soulmate was uncharacteristically nervous. Everything with the bond was sharp and anxious. Alex hadn’t expected that and he didn’t know what to make of it. It was inconvenient though. 

A spike of anxiety made him feel somewhat nauseous. He couldn't communicate with his bondmate, not in any meaningful way, but he tried thinking reassuring, comforting things. It seemed to settle the bond a bit. 

“You ok, Alex?” George asked. 

“Yeah, ok.” Alex took a bite of food but it tasted off and he had to force himself to swallow it. 

His bond had formed when he’d been 5 years old and it had never felt so uncomfortable before. Usually, his bond was close and sweet; he didn’t know what to do with all the tension washing over him.

“You sure?” George asked quietly. “You look...sick.” 

Alex sighed. “My bond….it’s very...just, a lot, I guess.” He fluttered his hand uselessly. 

“It feels different?” George clarified. 

Very. “Yeah, different.” Alex agreed.

George grinned at him; Alex didn’t know what there was to smile about, he couldn’t even eat. “That might mean they’re close.” He said, clapping him on the shoulder. 

Suddenly it wasn’t just his bondmates nerves making butterflies in his stomach. “You sure?” 

“Pretty sure.” George laughed. “For me it was almost like my bond got louder.”

Alex nodded, feeling a bit reassured that it wasn’t just him, he wasn’t just going crazy. 

His bondmate was still nervous and there was nothing Alex could really do about. His bond felt like a muscle about to cramp, like a tight ball of nerves that he couldn’t get rid of. 

Alex tried to eat some food at least.

George thought it would be a good idea for Alex to announce their draft selection, which he decided at the last minute. 

“No, no, no, George, no.” Alex pleaded. His bond was so distracting and English was already difficult. “You say, I give jersey?” He offered. 

George shook his head. “You just say ‘The Washington Capitals select Nicklas Backstrom’. That’s it. Not too bad.”

“George…” Alex tried again. 

George looked amused. “You wanted to come.”

“To see! Not talk.” Alex protested. 

“You know his name already. And you know the team’s name. It’s one extra word, that’s all.”

Ted looked like he wanted to hurry them along. “If you forget, just point.” He decided, urging them forwards. 

Someone handed the jersey to Alex and then he was on stage. He should’ve stayed home and watched online. What did he think he was going to accomplish with this? 

The emcee smiled at him encouragingly and Alex could barely focus over the surge of anxious energy coursing through his bond like a river breaking through a levee. 

He managed to say it, he thought, but he couldn’t hear. His heart was pounding in his ears. Was he sick? Was he going to pass out? He swallowed and tried to get himself under control. Something was wrong with him, he was-

“Alex?” George asked. He had a hand gripped tight to Alex’s upper arm. 

Nicklas was standing in front of him, pale and stunned looking. The jersey was clutched in his hands but he hadn’t moved to put it on. He was staring at Alex with wide green eyes, and something frightened was leaching through the bond like poison into groundwater. 

“Nicklas, is something wrong?” Ted asked. 

Alex stared back watching the Swede shake his head slowly, his eyes fixed on Alex. They were still on stage. People were still watching them. The room had gone quiet and Alex wasn’t quite sure why; he wasn’t sure what was happening. Why were they- why wasn’t he-

The bond went suddenly sharp, like Alex had gone from an old grainy TV picture to the clarity of real life in an instant. It went through him like a spear, though it didn’t necessarily hurt. It was just- it was something that he’d never felt before. 

‘Hello?’

“Hi.” 

If possible, Nicky went more pale. 

‘You can hear me?’

“Yes- oh.” Oh. Oh shit. His lips hadn’t moved, he hadn’t spoken, not out loud. 

Ted and George appeared to have figured out what had happened, probably earlier than Alex had. 

‘Like this?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Oh.’

That made Nicky smile, relaxing enough that his bond- their bond- quieted a bit. 

It still didn’t feel normal, exactly, would never feel like the old normal again, Alex guessed. The bond felt like someone had opened a window over a bustling street and he could finally hear the music and jovial voices below, instead of only the faint traces of before. 

Ted helped Nicklas get the jersey over his head and they took the requisite pictures. Nicklas was radiating happiness, so much that Alex couldn’t help but smile like an idiot. He could feel him shaking, with nerves and adrenaline. 

Finally, mercifully, they were ushered off stage. Hidden from sight, the first thing Alex did was hug him. There was a brief flicker of uncertainty across the bond before Nicklas melted against him, hugging him back and hiding his face in his neck. 

‘I just met you but I’ve kind of known you forever.’ Alex thought. 

Nicklas nodded, arms tightening. It felt better, it felt right. The bond settled from a torrential flood into a river, broad and lazy and warm. It felt like sunshine, it felt like-

It felt like home.

Alex lifted a hand to the back of Nicklas’ head, fingers tangling in his hair. Their bond flowed even warmer and Alex never wanted to move; he wanted to stay there forever, with his bondmate in his arms-

‘Forever, but with a break for food?’ Nicklas suggested, smiling when Alex laughed out loud. Alex could feel the smile, could feel his happiness, and he immediately knew he was going to spend the rest of his life chasing that sensation. 

“Everything ok?” George asked. 

“Best.” Alex promised. 

———

There were logistics involved in everything, even soulmates, Alex discovered and Nicklas- Nicky, he had insisted- Nicky had to go back to Sweden for the summer. 

There was paperwork. They’d had to get a certificate authenticating their bond, which Alex would need to send to Russia, and Nicky to Sweden, so that they would be able to stay in those countries longer than the typical visa would allow. 

All of that was irrelevant, because Nicky was coming to D.C in the fall. 

‘I could stay in Sweden. The experience-‘

‘Need NHL experience to be a good NHL player.’ Alex insisted. ‘You’re gonna do great.’ 

Nicky didn’t openly object, but he didn’t hide his skepticism either. 

‘Don’t you want to play with me?’ Alex added playfully. 

‘What if I’m no good? The smaller ice, the-‘

‘I’ve seen gametape. We’re gonna be great.’ Alex insisted. 

Nicky’s skepticism turned to wry amusement. ‘I don’t know. What if you can’t keep up?’ He teased. 

———

Alex didn’t understand why Nicky couldn’t live with him. He’d spent months waiting for Nicky to come to D.C and he couldn’t even live with him. 

“Because you can barely live by yourself.” Michael Nylander chided. “He’s only 18 years old. It’ll be good for him.” 

“He’s my bondmate.” Alex protested, though he knew no one would cave. He was impressed with how quickly his English was improving now that that was the only way he and Nicky could talk, though. 3 months of daily phone calls and text messages did wonders for his language skills. 

They could communicate over the bond, and that didn’t seem bound by language, but to actually speak to each other, they needed a mutual language. 

Michael softened. “I know, I know. It seems like bullshit, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Alex said emphatically. 

The older man shook his head with a rueful laugh. “Just...he’s already going to be overwhelmed by playing here, by the different culture. By you.”

“Me? Never.”

“Hard to imagine, I know. But it’s a lot to go from something vague at the back of your mind to someone with you always.” Michael said. “A lot of people struggle with it.”

“Really?” Alex was skeptical; no one had ever mentioned that in class.

“Sure. I did.” He admitted. “I was older, 22, and I was used to how everything had been. My first season after I met Camille, I had a big dip in scoring. I couldn’t focus.” He had a distantly amused look on his face; Alex wondered if Camille was arguing the point. 

“Not gonna happen.” 

“You don’t think you’re distracting? Or that having someone else in your head isn’t?” Michael shook his head, like he realized it wasn’t worth his energy. “You can come over whenever. Unless you want to cook for yourself every night.”

“You...that’s ok?”

Michael shrugged. “We have six kids. Seven, if you count Nicklas. What’s one more? Besides, he’ll need reinforcements. The boys are so excited.”

———

One year removed and Alex had somehow forgotten how exhausting rookie year could be. Or maybe Nicky had mono. 

“All he does is sleep.” William Nylander said, reaching out to poke Nicky’s cheek.

Alex swatted his hand away gently. Asleep, Nicky made the bond muzzy and warm, flooded with pleasant nothingness and cozy like a thick duvet. Awake, Nicky was unnecessarily stressed about if they were going to send him to Hershey, no matter how much Alex assured him that wouldn’t happen. 

So, asleep was better, at least until camp was over. 

By the end of camp, it was clear who was staying and who was going- and Nicky was staying. 

Alex wasn’t sure who would’ve been more heartbroken if he’d been sent to Hershey: Alex, Willy, or Mike Green. 

“Your bondmate is a brat.” Mike laughed, an arm around Nicky holding him in a loose headlock. 

“I know, terrible. Lucky he’s cute.” Alex teased, sitting on his couch. He was drunk, surrounded by similarly drunk teammates, and Nicky’s buzz permeated the whole bond to make it hazy and tender. 

Still, he could feel the way he blushed creeping over him like crawling bugs. 

“Maybe if he cut his hair.” Mike ruffled it fondly and Nicky tried to squirm away. 

“Shut up.” He grumbled, wrenching himself free and half pulling his hoody off in the process. He looked at Alex curiously, tilting his head. 

‘What?’ Alex asked. 

‘Nothing’ Nicky supplied quickly, purposefully clamping down on the bond until almost nothing got through; he was disturbingly good at that already. Alex...not so much. 

‘Nicky…’

‘Shush.’

“Shush?” Alex couldn’t help but say out loud, laughing. 

Nicky went more red; Alex was quickly, easily, falling in love with how readily he blushed. “Drive me home?” The blond asked Mike, tugging on his sleeve. 

Mike shoved him away gently, grabbing a beer (possibly not his) and shaking his head. “Too drunk.” He said, chugging half the can in one go. 

Nicky wrinkled his nose, looking down at his feet. “Fine.” 

“Tired?” Alex asked. 

Nicky shrugged. “Wanna go home.” 

‘Nicky…’ Alex’s prodded. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing.’ Whatever he could feel from Nicky was prickly and uncomfortable. 

‘Outside.’

‘No-‘

“Outside.” 

Mike looked mildly surprised to see Alex drag Nicky out onto the patio, but not as surprised as the people outside when Alex told them to go away. 

“What?” Nicky asked, crossing his arms. 

In Alex’s health class, they’d talked about bonds and how they worked. They said you could learn to hide things, over time, if you wanted to. 

Somehow, Nicky was exceptional at that part. 

‘What’s the matter?’

“Nothing-“

‘Something’s wrong. Please, just- we’re supposed to be together, yeah?’

‘I guess.’

‘So, talk to me. Trust me. What’s the matter?’

Nicky had the ends of his sleeves balled up in his hands, tension ebbing through the bond like a small leak in a great dam. ‘Are we...do you like me?’

“What?” Alex asked, regretting it as Nicky shifted and looked even more uncomfortable. 

‘Most bonds are romantic but...not all of them. And I know in Russia sometimes they don’t like-‘

Alex hugged him tight, cutting of his stream of consciousness. ‘Always liked you.’ He admitted.

‘You didn’t know me.’ Nicky was cautious, petulant...and a little hopeful. 

‘Knew you. Knew how sweet you are, how strong you are. Didn’t know what you looked like, but I knew you.’ Alex kissed the side of his head. ‘Knew I was lucky to get to spend my life with you.’

Nicky snorted. ‘Sap.’ He teased, hands tightening. 

‘I thought maybe you wouldn’t want to go to fast. Nyles said it can be overwhelming.’

‘Not overwhelmed.’ Alex raised his eyebrows, thinking that was debatable; Nicky had been ready to run away because he didn’t know if Alex liked him or not. ‘Not like that. With everything else, yeah.’

‘But not me?’

“Not you.” Nicky said aloud. 

“Oh.” Alex nodded. “Good.”

Nicky looked up at him, a question in his eyes. “You...think I’m cute?”

Alex laughed, feeling Nicky’s echoing rush of joy when he said, “very cute.”

“But you...you don’t stay, you don’t…” he paused and flushed, “you don’t kiss me.”

“Think...maybe too fast.” 

“Maybe too slow.” Nicky countered, tilting his head. The bond was more open and Alex could feel heady desire coursing through like a heartbeat. 

“You can’t wait?” Alex teased, leaning his head back just as Nicky leaned forward. 

Nicky rolled his eyes and straightened, kissing Alex suddenly. 

Alex had kissed people before, but not much further. Some people dated, fooled around, even fell in love outside of their bond but that hadn’t been what he wanted. 

He’d never had a kiss like this. 

Everything was multiplied, his own feelings and Nicky’s. It was like a chemical reaction, like a match dropped into a pile of tinder; one spark and they went up in flames. 

Alex backed Nicky up against the wall, tangling his hands in his hair. Nicky’s hands were just as clever away the rink, sliding under Alex’s shirt and tracing gentle patterns across his skin. 

They heard the door open and just as quickly shut. Alex broke the kiss, resting his forehead against Nicky’s, both of them breathless. “Maybe...everyone here, maybe not a good time.”

Nicky groaned, letting his head fall back against the wall with a thunk. “Fuck.” He sighed. “Make them go home?” He suggested. 

Alex chuckled. “Why, you need something?” He teased; he could feel where Nicky was hard against his hip. Alex was too, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t tease Nicky. 

Nicky pulled him in even closer, biting off a moan as he rubbed against him. ‘Need you.’

Objectively, Alex knew that his patio, with a bunch of their teammates inside, was not the best place to have sex. But just because he knew something didn’t mean he wanted to act on it. 

He’d never felt so good, so whole. Nicky kissed like he knew what he was doing, but so desperately, like whatever he’d had before hadn’t been enough. He kissed like he needed Alex in order to keep breathing. Forget alcohol: Alex was drunk on Nicky. 

“Alex…” Nicky whined, kissing his earlobe and gently biting. It sent shivers down his spine. 

“Sasha.” Alex corrected. “You can...call me Sasha.”

‘Sasha.’ Nicky repeated. Through the bond, it was laced with more meaning, more feeling. Alex turned his head to catch Nicky’s lips with his own, electricity rippling across their connection. ‘Sasha.’

Alex dropped his head to kiss Nicky’s neck, biting down and feeling Nicky shudder, his hands tightening over his ribs to steady himself. 

Alex was going to explode. The burning desire reverberating between them was too much and not enough. Nicky grinded against his thigh, gasping softly. 

Alex had to know what it would feel like when Nicky finally came. There were so many things they could do, probably, but his brain was very nearly fried and the only thing he could think to do was to keep kissing him. 

Nicky, sweet and clever Nicky, worked his hand into the front of Alex’s pants, his sweats doing nothing to hide how much he wanted this. Alex groaned into his mouth when his hand finally wrapped around his cock. 

Alex couldn’t help but buck his hips, biting Nicky’s lip. Nicky was flushed and damp with sweat. Alex pressed him harder against the wall, barely leaving any room for his hand to move. Nicky licked into his mouth, tightening his grip and-

And Alex came, just like that. 

Fuck. 

He braced himself against the wall, panting and trying to catch his breath. Their bond was buzzing like TV static turned all the way up, needy and desperate. 

Alex kissed Nicky again, feeling him melt, feeling the desperation settle a bit. Relief flooded the connection when he finally ground against Nicky with purpose, with intent. 

Nicky ducked his face when he came, and Alex was a touch sad he couldn’t watch his expression. Feeling it over the bond made his hair stand up and sent chills through his body though, so maybe he couldn’t quite handle actually seeing Nicky like that. 

Nicky tugged Alex in even closer, his fingers gripping tight to his shirt. Alex almost didn’t care that Nicky had just gotten cum on his jacket. 

‘Gross.’ Alex could feel Nicky’s nose wrinkle. 

‘Your fault.’ Alex teased. 

‘My fault?’ Nicky leaned back against the wall, his face inches from Alex’s. 

Alex kissed him gently. ‘Definitely your fault.’ Nicky’s lips smiled under his. ‘Because you’re so cute. And easy.’

Nicky laughed, his eyes sparkling in the porch light. ‘You’re easy. And…’ the bond went quiet, like Nicky was balking. ‘And cute. Hot.’ He was red again. 

Alex beamed at him. ‘Yeah? Glad you like it.’ 

‘Maybe something’s wrong with me.’ Nicky teased, delight and fondness welling up around Alex. 

‘Hit in the head too many times.’ Alex agreed.

Nicky giggled, eyes closing. ‘I want clean clothes.’ He decided, letting Alex feel his disgust at the uncomfortable sensation of cooling, drying cum in his underwear. 

‘Everybody’s still inside.’ 

Nicky groaned wordlessly. ‘I know.’

‘I’ll go first.’ Alex decided; it was his home, and if he wanted to walk around at half-mast with a suspicious wet spot on his sweats, well, based on his understanding, that was his right in America. (Or maybe he’d watched too many movies.)

Inside was a bit more subdued than before, with most of his remaining guests playing video games in the living room. 

Mike gave him a pointed look, covering an amused smile with his hand as he looked from his crotch to his face. “Good night?” He asked, trying not to laugh. 

Alex winked at him. “Jealous?” 

“Nah, Nicky’s cute, but I like Courtney better.” He teased. “Hey Nick.” He added when Nicky slipped in behind Alex. 

“I’m more cute.” Nicky said, a bit emboldened by alcohol or endorphins. 

Mike laughed. “Go change. You guys are gross.” 

Nicky didn’t need a new shirt, but that didn’t stop him from grabbing one of Alex’s hoodies, one with his name on the back. Nicky looked up after he’d tugged it on, wide-eyed and looking more innocent than someone with cum on their pants should be allowed to look. ‘What?’

‘Like how you look in my clothes.’ Alex admitted. 

Nicky grinned. ‘Like how you look out of them.’ He teased. 

Alex laughed, wrapping an arm around Nicky’s waist and kissing him, the bond going soft and warm around him. 

Alex decided Nylander was wrong; how could Nicky be distracting? 

———

Nicky was distracting as hell. 

Having a steady presence at the back of his mind during day-to-day activities was good, great even. It made mundane things more interesting, he liked how close Nicky was. 

During practices, during camp, Nicky had been determined and focused. Sometimes, especially towards the end of the day, he’d get irritated and slap his stick on the ice when he misses a shot. But really, that wasn’t so bad. 

He hadn’t been able to tell in grainy game tape how angry Nicky could be during games. It partially amused him, his cherub-faced bondmate turning into a blond ball of hate during hockey. 

It was hard to focus though, hard to lose himself in the game like he used to. ‘Are you always so angry?’ He asked, exasperated. ‘We’re winning.’

Nicky prickled up but ignored him, jumping over the boards with Nylander at the line change. 

Alex sighed heavily, grabbing his bottle of water. He tried again to focus, but he wasn’t exactly sure how to block Nicky out. 

Ultimately, he was glad he didn’t figure it out, because if he had he wouldn’t have felt Nicky’s annoyance even after earning his first NHL point. Nylander had an arm around the young blond, fussing over him a bit, and Nicky hated the attention. 

‘He’s proud of you.’ Alex soothed fondly. 

‘It wasn’t a very good pass.’

‘Good enough.’

A handful of games and one knocked-out tooth later, Alex decided he really did need to figure out a solution. 

He decided to ask Michael one night after Nicky had fallen asleep. 

“I ask you question?” He asked, following Michael to the kitchen. 

Michael handed him the baby, who was fussing a bit, and set about mixing up her bottle. “Sure.”

“Do you ever...you know how to make bond more quiet?” 

“Quiet?” Michael glanced over his shoulder. “Why?”

Alex double-checked that Nicky was truly asleep. “It’s...like you said. Little bit hard to focus.” He admitted. 

Michael handed Alex the bottle, smirking. The baby accepted it eagerly and Alex decided it was easier to look at her than to look at Michael. “Nicky’s a little hellion, isn’t he?” He said. “I played with him at Worlds.” He added, when Alex looked surprised. 

Alex relaxed a bit. “He’s always so pissy?”

Michael tried not to laugh. “He knows this is important. He’s trying really hard.” He smiled fondly as he defended him. “He’s still young, trying to prove he should be here.”

Alex nodded slowly. “How do I…?”

“Maybe try meditating? It should get better as you get more used to the bond. Right now it’s new and you aren’t used to it yet.” 

“Can’t lose more teeth.” Alex liked the gap-toothed look, but he also liked steak. 

Michael did laugh at that. “True. Talk to him about it.” 

Easier said than done. Nicky was so sweet everywhere except the ice; Alex didn’t want to make him self-conscious. 

Alex waited a few days, trying to find the right moment. Finally, when they were cuddled up on the couch at Alex’s place, he decided it was safe. 

‘Is it hard for you to focus during games?’ Alex asked. ‘Because of the bond, I mean?’

Nicky shrugged. ‘It’s different. I don’t know...maybe?’ He slipped his fingers through Alex’s bracelet. ‘Is it for you?’

‘Yeah.’ Alex admitted. 

Nicky looked up, looking a touch stricken. ‘Because of me?’

Alex lifted his hand and kissed it. ‘Not used to...having you in my head. And you get so mad.’ 

Nicky went scarlet and shifted restlessly. ‘Sorry.’

‘It’s cute. Just not used to it.’ Alex placated gently. He could feel Nicky withdrawing from him pulling away. ‘Don’t do that.’

‘Sorry.’ Nicky looked up with baleful eyes. ‘We could try to numb the bond. Some people do that.’ Even as Nicky said the words, a chill slipped over the bond like he dreaded the idea. 

‘Don’t want to.’ He felt a rush of relief from Nicky. ‘We’ll get used to it.’ Alex already loved how it felt to feel Nicky’s rare moments of joy during games.

‘Ok. I’ll try...I’ll try to be better.’

Alex snuggled him. ‘Me too.’ He promised. ‘You know, you don’t have to worry. You’re doing so well. I’m so proud of you.’

‘You are?’

Alex remembered Nicky’s first assist to him and how it had felt like magic. He remembered barreling into Nicky afterwards and how it had felt, pushing all of it towards the bond, towards Nicky. Nicky smiled at him warmly. “Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.” Alex tickled his side, grinning when he squirmed closer. “Love to play with you. Gonna play together a long time.”

“I hope so.” 

Alex kissed the top of his head. He almost said I love you, but he held back. He did, he thought, but he wasn’t sure; he’d never felt this way before. Nicky had been a part of him so long that having him actually present was like having a piece of home. 

Nicky’s first goal wasn’t pretty. In fact, Nicky hadn’t even known it had gone in until the goal horn sounded and Alex’s excitement had erupted over the bond. 

Mike Green slipped him the puck after the game and Alex gave it to Nicky in the locker room, who was trying to act nonchalant but couldn’t stop smiling. 

The bond was buoyant and full of mirth. Alex was basking in Nicky’s happiness like a cat in a sunbeam. 

Nicky looked from the puck in his hands to Alex and his smile grew even wider. “I l- I want burgers.” He stuttered, flushing. The bond went quiet for a moment, Nicky stilling himself. 

“Sure.” Alex nodded. 

Mike and Sasha wanted burgers too, a couple more people wanted to celebrate Nicky’s first goal. Nicky stayed close to either Alex or Mike, a little uncomfortable with everyone congratulating him. 

Mike snuck Nicky a few shots and he calmed down after that. 

After leaving one bar, Alex steered them towards a club. Nicky was ambivalent, at least until they carded him at the door and put big black Xs on the backs of his hands. Alex bit back a smile at the disgruntled feeling radiating through the bond, looking back in time to catch a glimpse of Nicky wrinkling his nose and Mike laughing loudly. 

They got separated once inside- Sasha drug Alex onto the dance floor, laughing at his moves. Nicky was with Mike and Alex didn’t start to worry until discomfort soaked the bond like a heavy rain. 

He told Sasha he’d be back and went to track down his bondmate. 

Nicky was pretty drunk, based on Alex’s past experiences with him drinking, which meant the bond was wide open, a door instead of a window. 

He found him easily, sitting on a bar stool at a high top table with Mike and Courtney, and another girl that was smiling and talking to Nicky, touching his arm and leaning into his space. 

Alex paused a moment to contain his amusement and then joined the group. “Hey.” He said aloud. “Having fun?”

“Yeah.” ‘No’ 

Alex kissed the top of Nicky’s head, wrapping an arm around him protectively. ‘Poor baby, girls think you’re cute.’ Alex teased, kissing him again. 

Nicky sighed heavily, burying his face in Alex’s chest. ‘Tired.’ He said. Of course he was; it was well past 10 o’clock. ‘Don’t be mean.’ Nicky added, in response to Alex. 

“He’s a grouchy drunk tonight.” Mike said, an arm around Courtney’s waist. 

Alex smiled but didn’t say anything. Mike couldn’t feel Nicky like Alex could, so it was easy to misinterpret uncomfortable for grouchy, especially when Nicky did have a propensity to become grouchy pretty easily. 

‘Not grouchy.’ 

‘Of course not.’ Alex placated. ‘Wanna go home?’

‘Please.’

“I’m take grouchiest rookie home. Passed his bedtime.” Alex announced. 

Nicky scowled at him, though it was hard to look menacing with chubby cheeks flushed pink with booze. 

‘My place?’ Alex offered, once they were outside. Nicky pressed his lips together, shrugging. ‘Your place?’

‘I don’t have a place.’ Nicky was trying to hide himself from Alex, but he was too drunk. A wave of homesickness washed over Alex, bitter and momentarily overwhelming. Nicky shut his eyes, like that would help. ‘Sorry.’

“Oh, Nicky…” Alex hugged him tight. “It’s ok.” ‘It gets easier, I promise.’

‘I’m sorry. I’m fine.’ He didn’t try to pull away though. 

‘The first few months I was so sad, missed home so much.’ Alex admitted. 

Nicky lifted his head and opened his eyes. ‘Really?’

‘Yeah. Cried in George’s basement a lot. Missed my mama’s cooking, missed my family.’

‘It’s so different here.’ Nicky shared, quiet even over the bond, like he could barely bring himself to admit it. Alex could feel the uncomfortable itchiness of a place that couldn’t ever be home, the same feeling he’d had when he’d first come to the NHL. It was the feeling of never being able to fully relax, the ache of never hearing your native language; he knew it well. 

‘It gets better.’ Alex promised. ‘And for me, it’s so much better because I have you.’ He could feel his cheeks going hot, but the point of a bond was to share, to be vulnerable. 

‘If I didn’t have you…’ Nicky trailed off, looking down. ‘I don’t know if I could do this.’

‘You could, but you don’t have to.’ Alex tilted his chin up to kiss him. “C’mon, I take you home.”

It was late enough that the kids were asleep, but Michael and Camille were watching a movie in the living room when Alex used Nicky’s key to unlock the door. 

“Everything ok?” Michael asked, his expression slipping from a smile to a frown. 

“S’fine.” Nicky mumbled, rubbing at his face. 

Alex steered him towards the kitchen for water, catching a glimpse of Camille gently pushing Michael to follow. 

Nicky sat at the kitchen table, staring at his cup, still red-faced and looking a bit miserable. Homesickness and embarrassment rolled around their bond, enough to make Alex queasy. 

Michael sat down beside him, an arm around his shoulders to hold him close. “Everything ok?”

“Uh huh.” Nicky nodded, wiping at his eyes again. 

Michael smiled fondly at the lie, glancing at Alex. “I thought you were celebrating your first goal. You look a little sad to me.” 

Alex could feel Nicky trying so hard to hold himself together, to wrap up his emotions and shove them down. The binding broke and he hid his face against Michael’s chest, Swedish words spilling from his mouth. 

Alex didn’t know what he said, the bond didn’t work like that, but he knew Nicky was aching, stressed, and feeling out of place. 

He must’ve told Michael at least part of that, judging by the softness spreading over the other man’s face. 

Michael held him close for a few minutes, until Nicky got himself under control a bit. Nicky was still flushed, still oozing embarrassment, but he seemed a little more settled. 

“Drink some more water.” Michael said, pushing the glass forward. “I think kids can sense hangovers.” He teased. 

Nicky smiled and obediently finished his glass, quietly exhausted and depleted. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Michael shook his head. “It’s ok. Everyone misses home at first.” He assured him. “You staying tonight?” He asked Alex. 

“Yeah.” 

‘Thanks.’ Nicky thought, without looking up. 

“Good, good.” Michael clapped Nicky on the shoulder as he stood, trading out his empty glass for a bottle of Gatorade. 

They weren’t roommates on the road; Nicky roomed with Mike and Alex with Sasha. He thought it was important that Nicky had friends on the time outside of their bond. Nicky had never spent the night in Alex’s bed. 

Nicky wasn’t so much drunk now as overdone. He kicked off his jeans and tugged on a pair of oversized pajama pants, offering Alex a pair as well. Alex didn’t usually sleep in pants, but the basement was chilly and he wasn’t sure how well the Nylander children respected privacy. 

‘Not well.’ Nicky assured him with a tired grin. 

Nicky fell asleep quickly, his head on Alex’s chest. Alex couldn’t go to sleep so quickly, even when he was tired. He stayed up, playing on his phone and mindlessly running his fingers through Nicky’s hair; every time he did, even when Nicky was sleeping, it made a wave of contentment ripple through the bond. 

In the morning, Alex woke up with Nicky entangled in his arms, and a strand of hair in his mouth. Nicky woke slowly, consciousness rising over the bond like dawn. He groaned and buried his face in Alex’s side. 

“Hangover?” Alex asked. 

“Tired.”

“Always tired.” Alex kissed the top of his head. 

“I know.” Nicky lifted his head to look at him, bleary-eyed, but no more than usual. 

They had the day off. Originally, Alex had planned to find something fun to do; there were no shortage of tourist attractions in D.C, and Nicky had seen almost none of his new home. But the importance of sight-seeing paled in comparison to the simple act of staying inside and snuggling Nicky until his heart was content. 

Which would take awhile. 

Nicky was distant with people he didn’t know well, and he’d been more than awkward when he’d first met the team, but after breaking past his initial shyness, he was actually quite cuddly. 

Alex didn’t quite know what to make of it. It was one thing for Nicky to snuggle up with Alex or Mike to watch a movie on the plane. This felt different, it felt needier. Alex was careful to even think that, though, because he didn’t want to deter him. 

Plus, it was raining; Alex decided exploring D.C could wait. 

The basement couch was old and worn and soft, and Alex could sink back so far into the cushions that he might never be able to get up again. Nicky stayed tucked in under his arm all day, or else sprawled across his lap. 

‘You ok?’ Alex asked. Nicky had his head in Alex’s lap and eyes half-closed. He’d been mindlessly playing with Alex’s bracelet, his fingers gentle as they skimmed over his wrist. He hadn’t talked for a while and even over the bond he was quiet, distantly mulling something over, though Alex didn’t know what. 

‘Yeah.’ Nicky turned to look up at him. ‘I love you.’ He added; it would’ve seemed casual if Nicky could’ve better masked his nervousness. 

‘I love you too.’ Alex squeezed his hand. ‘Loved you a long time ago.’

‘Yeah? I did too.’ Nicky admitted slowly, cheeks flushing. ‘You were so...happy. And warm.’

Alex leaned over and kissed him tenderly. “Easy to love you.” He assured him. 

“Thanks.”

They played the next night and it felt different. Maybe they were more adjusted to the bond. Maybe Nicky was less anxious, less angry. Maybe Alex was doing better blocking that out. 

It didn’t matter, because the result was a laser of a pass from Nicky’s stick to Alex’s and then the puck hitting the back of the net. It didn’t matter, because Alex could barely remember what it had felt like before; he could only remember how Nicky felt throwing his arms around him and shouting in his ear, shaking him. 

‘That was fucking perfect!’ Nicky’s excitement made Alex’s heart race. It was like a rollercoaster and he wanted to do it again. 

Nicky got better once he got more experience, once it became clear that he was more than capable of playing in the NHL. By December, Nicky was centering Alex and Sasha, racking up assists like he’d been doing it for years. 

Players being bonded to other players wasn’t rare, but it wasn’t so common either. And it was even more uncommon for them to play on the same team. Only a few other teams had bonded players. As far as Alex knew, he was the only person who had drafted his bondmate. 

It seemed a little like a fairytale, a little more like something from a cheesy movie, and the press loved to talk to them about it. Alex usually indulged them; Nicky usually didn’t. 

They were playing Chicago when Alex got boarded. He didn’t get hurt, at least nothing more than a sharp stinging in his face and a little bit of blood when he wiped at his mouth.

The way the bond went white hot with rage, you couldn’t really tell. 

By the time Alex pushed himself up, with Sasha Semin there to steady him, Nicky was trying to tear himself free from the two defenders holding him back, twisted half out of his jersey in his desperation. He was shouting a mix of Swedish and English profanity and Alex didn’t know if he should worry or laugh. 

The ref said something sharp to him, which did nothing to dampen Nicky’s anger. 

‘I’m ok.’ Alex promised. 

Nicky didn’t respond, not with any cohesive statement. Instead, Alex got a series of snapshots of what the hit had looked like, from Nicky’s point of few. He could feel the uncomfortable icy worry as his head hit the boards and he collapsed. It looked worse than it had been. 

‘I’m ok.’ He said again. As the anger slowly melted away, Alex felt the fear underneath. He slid in beside Nicky on the bench. “I’m ok.” He said again. 

Nicky looked at him, looking embarrassed and sheepish. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled. 

Nicky bristled when the press asked about it, shutting down entirely. He gave a quiet, perfunctory answer that was somewhat related and then short answers for the rest of his questions. Even with Nicky restraining himself, Alex could feel his anger and embarrassment trickling through the bond. 

Alex didn’t understand, not for another week. Nicky, when he didn’t feel like he was fighting to stay in the league, had slowly grown into a more patient, thoughtful player. Alex couldn’t keep up with his thoughts during a game, instead letting them wash over him like rain. It didn’t make sense for him to just snap like that. 

It didn’t make sense until Alex was on the other side of it. 

Maybe they called it charging, maybe it was a late hit, maybe he left his feet. Alex didn’t give a shit. 

Nicky was crushed against the boards and he crumpled to the ice. The jarring shock of it went through Alex like a bolt of lightning. Primitive, instinctive rage immediately coursed through his blood, his heart pounding so loud in his ears he couldn’t hear anything else except-

‘Sasha?’

Alex would kill the entire Philadelphia team, but only after he checked on Nicky. 

“Hey.” He bent over Nicky, the adrenaline dump making him shake. “You ok?” He tried to reel himself in, to hold himself together. 

Nicky was slow to get up, looking dazed. He blinked at Alex. ‘Sasha?’ There was blood on his face; Alex would show no mercy. 

‘It’s ok. They’re gonna check you out.’

‘I’m ok.’ Nicky protested mildly, still a bit owlish as Alex steered him towards the bench. 

‘I know. Humor me. Otherwise, I worry.’ He teased. 

His arms felt painfully empty. He needed to hold Nicky, to really ensure he was ok. He needed to breathe in his scent until he was no longer shaking. He needed-

He wasn’t sure, but it sure as hell wasn't to see Nicky be gently escorted down the tunnel as the bench went disconcertingly quiet. 

He knew it was likely nothing. There were a couple minutes left in the first period and they just needed to evaluate him. Those last few minutes felt like an hour. 

Nicky went from dazed to tolerant to annoyed quickly enough that Alex was fairly confident he was alright. 

He hurried to the medical room anyway. 

Nicky smiled when he saw him, a bandage taped over his chin. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“I’m ok. I’m fine.” 

“Stitches?” Alex asked, stopping to stand in front of him, tilting his chin with his fingers. 

Nicky indulged him and didn’t try to pull away. “No, it’s ok. Not so bad.” 

“You sure?”

‘I’m sure. Don’t kill anyone.’

Alex sighed. ‘Fine. Only because you asked.’ Alex considered something. ‘Is this part of why you were so mad at first? Were you upset about people hitting me?’

Nicky didn’t say anything, but his face immediately went red and he looked away. Alex could feel his embarrassment. 

Alex hugged him and kissed his check. ‘Oh, Nicky…’ 

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t be.’ Alex stopped him. ‘I understand.’

Maybe, in retrospect, Nicky made more sense. Alex was constantly amazed at how much he could learn about a person he’d been connected to his whole life, how much he didn’t know about the person with whom his soul was bond. 

Nicky laced his fingers through Alex’s, looking back up at him. There weren’t words, not for whatever he was thinking. But what Alex could feel over the bond felt like an apology and a love letter tied together with kisses. Nicky could pretend all he wanted, but Alex knew how soft he was, how sweet. 

“Stop making heart eyes at each other.” Mike Green interrupted from the doorway. “You ok, Nick?”

“I’m fine.” 

It was probably best that Mike was there, otherwise Alex might’ve forgotten entirely that he was at a hockey game, that he was playing in a hockey game. 

“Good.” Mike nodded. “Had us worried for a second.” Mike wasn’t gentle about reaching out to exam Nicky’s injury, but the begrudging fondness over the bond made Alex smile. 

Alex figured that he would know if something happened to Nicky. He assumed he would know if he was hurt or sick, through their connection. Maybe he would, if it was really bad, but it turned out Nicky had more self-control than Alex thought.

A week later, when the cut on Nicky’s chin was all but healed, they were in Buffalo. There were probably places to go out after a game, even in Buffalo, but it was raining heavily and most of the team had opted to take over the hotel bar and set up shop there. 

Nicky and Mike hadn’t; as far as Alex knew they’d been watching horror movies in their room. Nicky had finally found someone that liked to recreationally scare themselves as much as he did. Alex didn’t mind horror movies, but he didn’t watch them outside of the weeks leading up to Halloween either. 

Alex was contemplating going to bed when Mike slipped into the booth beside him, stocking-footed and wearing pajama pants. 

“You lost?” Alex asked.

“Wanna trade rooms?” He asked, holding up the room key.

“Why? You scared of Nicky now? Watch too many scary Swedish movies?” Alex teased. 

Mike rolled his eyes and lowered his voice. “He’s not feeling so hot.” He said in undertones. “Can’t you tell?”

Focusing, Alex realized he couldn’t feel much from Nicky at all; he shook his head. “No, can’t. What’s wrong?”

Mike looked surprised. “I don’t know.” He paused. “You seriously can’t feel anything?”

“Thought maybe he’s annoyed at you.” Alex said. “Nicky’s...quiet, sometimes.” 

“Huh. Ok. Well, take this and go check on him. I’ll room with Sasha.”

Sasha looked up from his drink, finally able to pretend he wasn’t eavesdropping. “Good. Don’t snore so loud as Sanya.” 

Alex flipped him off as Mike laughed, reaching out to steal a sip from Sasha’s glass. 

Upstairs, Alex let himself into Nicky’s room to find that all the lights had been turned out. Using his phone, he could just see the outline of a lump under the blankets. 

‘You ok?’ Alex asked. 

‘Fine.’ Nicky lied, discomfort seeping through with his words. 

‘Sure.’ Alex agreed easily, slipping in under the covers.

A few minutes later, Nicky finally relaxed a bit. ‘I get migraines.’ He admitted. He lowered his walls, or stopped holding back, or whatever it was that he did, because Alex wasn’t exactly sure how it worked, but whatever he undid let loose a tidal wave of discomfort. 

Alex held him a bit closer. ‘What can I do?’ 

‘Nothing.’ Nicky shrugged. ‘It just...everything hurts.’

‘Even this?’ 

Nicky nodded and Alex fell silent. He stroked his fingers through Nicky’s hair until he managed to fall asleep. 

Alex set his alarm and fell asleep, an arm wrapped tight around Nicky’s middle. 

In the morning, Nicky had moved enough that he was facing Alex, his face pressed in against his chest and his fingers loosely clinging to his shirt. Alex couldn’t move, even if he’d wanted to. Tenderly, he kissed his head and closed his eyes; he still had a few minutes until his alarm went off. 

———

Alex knew Nicky. He’d known Nicky, in some capacity, since their bond had sparked to life when he’d been five years old. He did not know what to get Nicky for Christmas, and he also didn’t know how to keep it secret. 

Nicky was characteristically unhelpful. ‘I don’t need anything.’ He insisted. 

Alex frowned; they were sitting in video review and really should’ve been paying attention, especially given their performance the night before. 

Nicky went a little sour at the thought. 

‘You give gifts for Christmas, that’s what people do.’ Alex said. 

‘Sure. But if I wanted something, why wouldn’t I just buy it? I have money now.’

On the screen, Alex watched himself shoot the puck and have it bounce off the crossbar. 

‘I want to get you something.’ He decided. 

‘Then get me something.’ Nicky said, clearly placating him. ‘But you don’t have to.’ 

Alex fought back the urge to sigh, trying to do a better job listening. 

Greenie was also unhelpful when consulted later. “I don’t know, he really likes peanut M&Ms. Get him those.” 

‘You like peanut M&Ms?’ Alex asked. 

‘They’re fine.’ Nicky tried to seem casual, even as a ray of joy shot through the bond. 

Alex bit back a smile. “Maybe. How do you not tell Courtney things?”

“Huh? Oh, I don’t know. I mean...I’m not very good at that.” Mike admitted, laughing. “I’m kind of an open book.” 

Luckily for Alex, Nicky falls asleep consistently early. Luckily for Alex, he’s a genius and he came up with the perfect thing. 

Alex spent the night with Nicky at the Nylanders on Christmas Eve. It was a charming blend of American and Swedish traditions; Alex didn’t know Donald Duck played such a prominent role, but Michael just laughed and told him to get used to it. 

Nicky translated about half the movie to him; the other half he was too distracted actually watching to keep up. Unbidden, Nicky shared memories with Alex, everything coated in nostalgia and ripe with longing. Nicky watching this with Kris, Nicky snuggled up between his cousins- Nicky helping make cookies and decorating desserts. 

Alex squeezed his hand. ‘We can make cookies together.’ He promised. ‘We can do it every year.’

Nicky leaned his head on his shoulder, smiling. Alex kissed his hair. ‘Yeah, ok.’ He agreed easily, quietly, with no posturing, no pretending that wasn’t something he’d love. 

More than anything he’d felt since they’d met, in that moment Nicky felt exactly like Alex had always remembered: soft, sweet, and deeply affectionate. Nicky clung to their bond like a lifeline most of the time. It was like a warm body pressed against his, solid and ever present. 

Alex kissed him again because he wanted to, because he could. Nicky had always been his, he had always been Nicky’s, but they were together now. 

Alex waited until after the chaos of all the kids opening presents was over before he presented Nicky with his gift. 

It was a small black box and William made an obnoxious noise when Nicky unwrapped it. His older sister elbowed him sharply. 

Alex watched Nicky, his face carefully blank even as hope bubbled up in the bond. 

Inside the box was a key. 

Alex loved how Nicky’s befuddlement felt over the bond, green eyes wide and searching Alex’s face for a clue. 

“Move in with me.” Alex offered. 

“Ok.” Nicky agreed, grinning broadly. “Yeah.” The bond was fizzing like sparkling water and Alex would’ve kissed him except that Willy started talking. Or whining. 

“You’re gonna leave?” He asked, frowning. 

Nicky looked at him, raising his eyebrows. “You gonna miss me?” He asked. 

William scowled. “No, obviously not.” He crossed his arms. “I just...well, maybe I’ll miss beating you in ping pong.” 

Nicky went quiet for a moment, but it didn’t quite dampen the feeling of homesickness that speared through him. 

“He’ll come back and visit.” Michael assured his children. “Ovi lives less than 15 minutes away. They’ll probably come over for dinner all the time.” 

Alex nodded, squeezing Nicky’s hand. “Always say yes to dinner.” He said, just to make the kids laugh. 

Later, when the younger kids were playing with their new toys, William came downstairs, sitting on the bottom steps. “Nicky?” He asked. 

Nicky looked up. “Yeah?”

“I might miss you a little bit.” William admitted. 

“I’ll miss you a little too.” Nicky promised, a hint of a smile on his face while on the inside he was basically melting. 

“You promise to come back?” 

“I promise.” Nicky said solemnly. 

William nodded and clambered onto the couch with them, wrapping his arms around Nicky. Nicky hugged him tight and grinned up at Alex helplessly. 

Two days later, boxes of Nicky’s stuff arrived in Alex’s apartment. Their apartment. 

It wasn’t just boxes, of course. Everything was accompanied by their owner, who was inexplicably wearing one of Alex’s hoodies; Alex didn’t remember giving him one. The sleeves were too long and Nicky balled them up in his hands when he was thinking. Alex decided he could keep it. 

All Nicky really had was hockey gear and clothing. Alex had gotten a couple new dressers and they spent the afternoon quietly debating the best layout for furniture and clothing. 

Nicky not-so-gently critiqued Alex’s closet. ‘What’s that?’ He asked, holding up a multicolored shirt between two fingers. 

‘Shirt.’

‘You wear this?’ Nicky looked alarmed. 

Alex rolled his eyes. ‘You have no style. All your clothes the same, boring.’

Nicky scowled at him but fell silent, only vaguely mutinous over the bond. 

They ordered pizza for dinner and Nicky snuggled in under Alex’s arm after they’d eaten. Halfway through a TV show, Nicky tilted his head back to look up at him. 

Alex kissed him and Nicky gave a contented sigh, his hand coming up to hook his fingers into the collar of Alex’s sweatshirt.

The kiss went quickly from chaste to hungry, a red hot bolt of want crashing through them when Alex slipped his hand under Nicky’s shirt. Nicky nipped at Alex’s lips, looking up at him through his lashes. 

‘Bed?’

‘What’s wrong with the couch?’ Alex teased, tracing his hand over a nipple and feeling it go hard under his fingers. 

‘Bed.’ Nicky repeated, more firmly, narrowing his eyes at Alex. It was ruined by the undercurrent of fondness, of tenderness. 

Alex kissed him again to distract him. Nicky grumbled wordlessly against his mouth, pushing himself up. He sat in Alex’s lap, straddling his thighs and smirking like he’d gotten one over on Alex. 

Alex kissed him again, Nicky’s hands on his shoulders to hold himself closer. Alex tangled one hand in Nicky’s hair, the other still up under his shirt. Nicky nipped at his bottom lip and Alex moaned slightly, caught off guard. 

Nicky dropped his head to the side, biting stinging kisses into the side of Alex’s neck. Alex bucked his hips up and Nicky clung to him a bit tighter. ‘Bed.’ He said again, the single word dripping with want. 

‘Fine, fine, bed.’ Alex relented, grinning. 

Nicky nearly toppled over trying to get up, frowning at Alex like he couldn’t see the outline of Nicky’s dick through his sweats. 

Nicky stripped off his clothes easily, without fuss. Alex had watched Nicky undress countless times, but there was something special about it now, in their home rather than in an overlit locker room or ambiguous hotel room. 

‘Sasha?’ Nicky was naked and Alex was still fully dressed. 

‘Sorry, got distracted.’ Alex apologized, quickly shucking his own clothes. He pulled Nicky into bed with him, rolling over to pin him down. 

Nicky struggled against him, testing that Alex could really hold him down. When he realized he could, if felt like the bottom dropping out from underneath Alex’s feet. He kissed Nicky again, deeply, until they had to break apart to catch their breath. Nicky was pink in the cheeks and squirming underneath him. 

Alex had a wicked idea and he kissed him once more before sliding down his body. Nicky made a vaguely questioning thought, one that was interrupted when Alex wrapped his lips around Nicky’s cock. 

“Oh.” Nicky gasped, one hand caught in Alex’s hair, not pulling or tugging, but holding on. “Oh, fuck.”

Alex had never done this before, but he quickly found that he liked it. Nicky’s thoughts were disorganized and half-frantic. He was trying to stay quiet, fighting himself to stay still. Alex loved the idea of breaking his composure, loved the idea of Nicky falling apart because of him. 

Alex ground his cock into the bed and even the echo of that had Nicky making bitten off keening noises. 

‘Sasha, Sasha, oh my god.’ Nicky was desperate, panting, so close that Alex could feel his own balls draw up, a heaviness pooling in his gut. 

Alex took one spit-slick finger and pressed at Nicky’s hole, barely penetrating him. Nicky tugged at his hair. “I’m gonna- I’m gonna-“ he managed. 

Alex tried to take more of his cock, tasting precum on his tongue and circling his hips almost without realizing he was doing it, chasing friction. 

Fuck, he could cum like this, just from this, just from the salty weight of Nicky’s cock in his mouth and the way he was falling apart above him, just from the not-quite-enough feeling of the sheets underneath him. Fuck. 

Nicky’s hips jerked and his cock hit the back of Alex’s throat. His eyes stung with tears and Nicky managed a shaky feeling of apology. 

Nicky was nearly incoherent, which made Alex proud of himself. He pressed his finger further into him, only just past the tip. Nicky gasped, nonsense tumbling from his lips. Oh, not nonsense, Alex realized: Swedish. 

Then, all at once it was like being set on fire. Nicky came, cum shooting down Alex’s throat and Alex’s hips stuttered and he came too, his vision going white. 

He pulled back as Nicky’s cock started to go soft in his mouth and Nicky whimpered quietly. He had an arm thrown across his face, covering his eyes. 

The bond felt vulnerable, wide open and gushing with feeling. Everything was tumultuous and raw. Alex collapsed beside Nicky, hugging him close. 

It had been a lot, a lot of feeling, a lot of sensation. Alex hugged Nicky tight, the blond pliant in his arms. 

Nicky hid his face against Alex’s chest. Pressed so close, Alex could feel him shaking. 

‘You ok?’ He asked. 

‘Yeah.’ Nicky answered, but he didn’t move. Alex waited, but he didn’t say anything else. 

‘Nicky?’

‘That was…’ he trailed off. Overwhelming, Alex supplied. ‘Yeah.’

Alex nodded, kissing him. He pulled the blankets up over them, which made Nicky feel more secure. He knew Nicky didn’t like being exposed, in any sense of the word. 

It took awhile for the bond to return to normal, for Nicky to put himself back together. He offered Alex an apologetic smile as he tried to get up and Alex reeled him back in. 

‘Have you ever done that before?’

‘No.’ Nicky shook his head before tucking his nose in against Alex’s collarbone. 

‘But you’ve kissed other people?’

‘Yeah. Is that ok?’

Alex kissed the top of his head. ‘Yeah. I did too. Kissed people, I mean. I’ve never had sex with anyone before.’

‘Me neither.’ Nicky paused. ‘Not sex. But...handjobs, a couple times.’ 

‘Oh?’

Nicky’s face was hot against his skin. ‘On the team bus.’ He added. 

Alex cackled with delight. “Didn’t know you so bad, Nicky.” He teased playfully. 

“Yeah, well...” Nicky shrugged, looking up at him with a wry grin.

Alex was curious, and Nicky pretended to be put upon before opening up a little bit to share the memory. 

It wasn’t like Alex hadn’t also once been a bored and horny teenager on countless long, late bus trips. He knew what happened in the back rows. He was a little surprised Nicky had been one of those people, but only a little. 

‘We could try that on the plane. Join the mile high club.’ Alex teased. 

Nicky swatted at him with a gentle laugh. ‘Oh my god, no.’ He said, even as the bond sparked with interest. 

‘No?’ Alex asked, raising his eyebrows. 

Nicky blushed more. ‘Maybe.’ 

Alex grinned and kissed him. ‘We’ve got lots of time.’ He promised. 

Living with Nicky wasn’t all sex and cuddling. It was also Alex learning to put his clothes in the laundry basket instead of in a heap on the closet floor. It was going shopping, because the bare walls of Alex’s apartment were apparently ‘depressing’. 

It was hoping that Nicky could cook, and then realizing that he really couldn’t. 

Alex came back from working out to find Nicky in the kitchen, scowling at a pot on the stove and covered in flour. 

“What’s wrong?” Alex asked. Why are all the cabinets open, he wanted to ask, but that was marginally less important. 

“Trying to make lunch.” Nicky said, biting his lip. 

He’d tried to make a white sauce, or maybe just glue. Nicky’s frown deepened and Alex made note to do a better job keeping his thoughts to himself. 

“Here, let me.” Alex hip checked Nicky gently to the side and stirred the sauce; it was lumpy and probably beyond saving. “Recipe?” Alex asked. 

Nicky had his laptop precariously balanced on top of the toaster. He touched the mousepad to turn on the screen again. 

“I’m start over, ok?”

Nicky groaned. “No, we can order something.” He sat on the counter and ran his hands through his hair. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s ok. Noodles look good. Just need sauce. I’m hungry.” 

‘Glad I can boil water.’ Nicky thought bitterly. 

It was easy enough to follow the recipe and Nicky was marginally more cheerful with a full belly. 

“So, you don’t cook?” Alex asked. 

Nicky went red, predictably; he’d been pink since Alex came home. “I can make meatballs.” He said. 

“And Christmas cookies?” 

Nicky softened, smiling. “That too.”

“It’s ok. We learn together.” Alex promised.

Nicky didn’t learn, but Alex did. Nicky didn’t learn to cook, but he did remember to change the sheets on the bed regularly, and he organized a bit too. He remembered to load and unload the dishwasher, so dishes and glasses didn’t pile up in the sink. He reminded Alex to clean shit. 

Slowly, so that Alex barely noticed, soft things started appearing in their apartment. Extra pillows for the bed (Alex fell asleep with a pillow between his knees and it was so comfortable), plaid blankets on the couch. Pictures on the walls, pictures of them. Everything that wasn’t essential to a house, but did make it nicer. 

Alex freely admitted he didn’t know how to make someplace a home- his mother had always done that. They hadn’t had much growing up, but they’d had enough; they’d had home. 

When Alex had started getting NHL-sized paychecks, he bought a big TV and an obnoxious car. When he’d moved out on his own, George told him to get a good mattress, so he did. He also bought video games, a sound system, and a huge couch. 

After that, he hadn’t bought much. He got whatever kitchen stuff his mother told him too, because he was a good son who didn’t want to be lectured when she came to visit. 

When Nicky started to go quiet one day, Alex paid attention. They’d been working themselves ragged, back from a long roadie with fewer points than they needed and bag skates as punishment for it. 

After practice, Nicky was moving in slow motion, dragging his feet. Alex sighed; Nicky was slow, sometimes, not just in the morning. He wasn’t ever really fast. It annoyed Alex occasionally but he suspected that today, at least, there was something causing it. 

Nicky groaned when he sat down in the car, closing the door with a grimace. 

“Headache?” Alex guessed. 

“Yeah.” Nicky swallowed hard. 

“Sorry.”

“S’okay.” Nicky mumbled, eyes closed. “Drive slow?” 

Alex tried, for Nicky. Even so, by the time they got home, the blond was pale and clammy. How much Alex could feel from the bond was fluctuating, pulsating; Nicky was deliberate in trying to hold himself together, but it was getting harder. 

He disappeared into the bathroom and Alex heard the lock click. He waited, scrolling through his phone on the couch. 

A long while later, when Nicky still hadn’t come out, Alex got up and gently tapped his fingers against the door. “Nicky, you ok?”

“Yeah.” His voice sounded weak and shaky. 

“Let me in?”

A pause. “No.”

Alex sighed, leaning against the door. “Nicky…”

But Nicky was stubborn, at least as stubborn as Alex, and he didn’t open the door. It was another few minutes before the lock clicked again and the door slowly opened. 

“Bed?” Alex offered. 

“Uh huh.” Nicky nodded, the action making him off-balance. Alex could feel a wave of dizziness that was quickly silenced by Nicky. 

“Does it make it worse, trying to make the bond quiet?” Alex whispered as he guided his partner down the hall; he’d never noticed how long of a walk it was before. 

“I don’t know.” Nicky admitted. His eyes were closed, trusting Alex not to let him fall. 

Finally, Nicky was able to curl up in bed. Alex laid down beside him, an arm around his waist. Nicky pulled the pillow over his head, letting out a noise somewhere between a groan and a sigh of relief. 

Alex stayed there until he fell asleep. Then, he crept out of the room and called his mom. 

By the time Nicky stumbled back to the living room, wearing another of Alex’s hoodies that he’d stolen, the whole apartment smelled like soup. 

Nicky rubbed his face with his sleeves and collapsed at the kitchen island. 

“Smells good.” He rasped, voice quiet. He was quiet over the bond too, holding back or maybe a little bit numb. 

“Mama’s recipe.” Alex said, stirring it and smiling. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah, better.” 

“Not good?” Alex guessed. 

Nicky managed a thin smile. “Not good.” He agreed. He had dark bags under his eyes despite having slept. 

“Soup helps.” Alex assured him. He felt a soft brush of happiness across the bond, faint but unmistakable. He kissed Nicky’s forehead to stoke it a bit. 

———

It wasn’t that Alex forgot about the anniversary of Sergei’s passing; it wasn’t like he could. It was more like he saw it from weeks out and then they had a road trip and a clamor for points and by the time he came up for air again, it was the day before. 

He felt guilty that he’d sort of missed its approach, but what was he supposed to do? He couldn’t ever forget his brother, he couldn’t mourn him as much as he deserved, but he couldn’t spend his life grieving him, either; Sergei wouldn’t have wanted that. He didn’t know how he was supposed to react, didn’t know how he was supposed to feel. It was sad but he was...he was used to it. 

Alex had gone through every emotion possible in relation to Sergei’s death, but none of it was enough to bring him back. He wasn’t indifferent, of course not, but as the years went by he found it easier to remember the happy moments instead of the sad ones. Was that bad, he wondered? Was it disrespectful to not shed tears for him anymore? 

Was it healing or was it denial?

Alex wasn’t smart enough to answer those sorts of questions. 

He woke up the day of the anniversary feeling not quite right. He wasn’t sure what to do with himself, what to feel. They had an optional skate, but no game. 

When Nicky woke up, he quietly rolled over and wrapped an arm around Alex’s middle, nestling his head on his chest. 

‘You ok?’ He asked, the bond sleepy and warm. 

Alex had told Nicky about Sergei. He hadn’t told Nicky about today. ‘It’s the anniversary of when Sergei…’

‘I’m sorry.’ Nicky tilted his head up, looking at him more carefully as though that would tell him something the bond couldn’t. ‘What do you want to do?’

‘I don’t know.’ Alex admitted. 

Nicky nodded, his grip on him tightening slightly. ‘Ok.’ He said agreeably. 

They laid there a while longer until Nicky pushed himself up. “I can make pancakes.” He offered. “Stay here.”

Alex nodded and closed his eyes, dozing in and out for a few minutes. He tried not to think, at all. He didn’t want to, he didn’t want to remember and he didn’t want to forget. He just wanted to exist for a little while, quietly. 

He woke up again when Nicky sat down on the edge of the bed. He had a couple plates on a TV tray and he set it at the foot of the bed. 

The pancakes were a bit abstract, and the chopped strawberries a bit uneven, but Alex was impressed. 

“Looks good.”

“Thanks.” Nicky smiled and popped a strawberry in his mouth with his off hand, which caught Alex’s attention. 

Nicky immediately blushed. He had a bandage around his right pointer finger. “It’s fine.” Nicky assured him. 

Alex laughed and kissed him. “You cut finger?” He guessed. Nicky shrugged and took a large bite of pancake so he wouldn’t have to answer. ‘That doesn’t work.’ Alex teased. 

‘Shhh.’

Alex tickled him in retribution. Nicky struggled to get away, but was still careful not to tip over their food. He caught Alex’s hands, his hold going from firm to soft when Alex stopped trying to tickle him. 

Nicky snuggled in against him, relaxing. ‘Do you want to talk? About your brother, I mean?’

Alex wasn’t sure. 

‘You don’t have to.’

Alex held Nicky close, absently kissing the top of his head. He didn’t want to talk; talking meant trying to articulate emotion into English. 

He closed his eyes and let the memories wash over him. Sergei at his games, cheering loudly from the stands. Riding on his shoulders when he was really little, so he could see fireworks. Sergei holding his hand to lead him through a crowd.

Little things, like Sergei openly badly wrapped presents and acting delighted, even though it was just something Alex had made at school. Or big things, like Sergei patiently teaching him how to ride a bike. 

Sergei laughing at Alex’s antics, or frowning when he thought he’d been reckless. Alex’s chest ached and there was a lump in his throat. He swallowed hard, but it only made things worse. 

Sergei would never get to see Alex play in the NHL, he’d never meet Alex’s bondmate, he’d never see Alex win the Cup. Sergei would miss so much and it wasn’t fair. It had been so long, but somehow Alex was still discovering these new hurts. He sobbed, not bothering trying to stop himself. 

Nicky held him tighter, rubbing his arm and not saying anything. 

Alex cried until he ran out of steam. Nicky kissed his cheeks and stroked a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry.” 

“Thanks.” Alex nodded. 

“You don’t have to go to optional.” Alex had played in a game the day after Sergei had passed away; he didn’t think his brother would approve of missing practice over a decade later. “You don’t have to.” Nicky repeated. 

Alex nodded. “Don’t have to, I know, but...good for me to do something. Can’t just be sad all day.”

Nicky nodded slowly. “Ok.” He kissed Alex again. 

Alex spent the day in a bit of an emotional fog. He wasn’t sure why it had hit him so hard; last year hadn’t been so bad. 

Greenie checked him at practice playfully, and Alex was so out of it he didn’t even brace himself. It was shock and surprise, and then a rush of protectiveness surging through the bond. He looked up in time to see Nicky insert himself between Alex and Mike, a hand fisted in the front of Mike’s jersey and a stern look on his face. 

He didn’t hear what Nicky said, his voice too low, but he heard Mike’s response. “Jesus, calm down.” He patted Nicky’s shoulder. 

Nicky glowered at that, but turned to help Alex up. ‘You ok?’

Alex was, and he was more than a little amused at Nicky. ‘I’m ok. You don’t have to do that.’ He assured him. 

Nicky shrugged, looking down at his skates, his mind carefully blank. 

Alex smiled. ‘Luckily you’re cute.’ He teased. 

He felt Nicky’s smile over the bond before the Swede lifted his face to look up at him. ‘Guess so.’

Alex didn’t need protecting, but he did appreciate how Nicky stepped up, acting as a bit of a buffer between Alex and the rest of the world. 

Nicky drove home and headed to the kitchen. Alex followed, curious. 

He didn’t have a recipe in front of him and he was moving purposefully, though he still left all the cabinet doors open behind him. 

It only took Alex a couple minutes to realize he was making meatballs. For some reason, that realization made a lump form in his throat. 

Nicky made meatballs with gravy, served over soup noodles. Nicky smiled when he slid a bowl in front of him. ‘It’s my grandma’s recipe.’ He explained. ‘She taught me.’

“Smells good.” Alex assured him, taking a bit and humming appreciatively. “Tastes good too.”

Nicky relaxed a bit, his smile broadening. “Good.” He looked proud of himself. 

Afterwards they did the dishes side by side and then cuddled up on the couch. It was just deep enough that they could spoon. 

The team was so much better with Nicky there; Alex was so much better with Nicky there. It was crazy to think that a rookie was leading the team in assists, but Nicky didn’t look like a rookie anymore. 

His passes were laser sharp, finding Alex from anywhere on the ice. His temper had dulled a bit and he was more patient than Alex. 

Alex felt like they were unstoppable, invincible. 

But they were not. 

They barely made the playoffs. It was hard to hype the team up for a cup run after that. 

Sasha was never openly mutinous, but he wasn’t overly optimistic either. He managed a grimace when the team’s veterans tried to inspire them a bit after practice. 

Nicky found the whole thing condescending too. 

Alex was trying to buy into whatever the coaching staff was telling them, trying to make himself believe that they could really do it, but it was hard to do with Sasha in his ear and Nicky in his head. 

‘They act like they want it more just because they’re older.’ Nicky was annoyed and didn’t bother trying to hide it. 

“They think we’ll make it passed the first round?” Sasha whispered in Russian. 

‘When was the last time he even scored?’ 

“Were they watching the same team?”

‘If they would just listen to your ideas.’

“They think we can just do the same thing every year and something will change?”

Alex stifled a groan. “Sasha, learn better English so you can complain to Nicky. He’s grouchy like you.” 

Sasha frowned at him and Nicky narrowed his eyes dangerously. Alex didn’t care; he had a moment of peace. 

Nicky stayed quiet, after that. Quiet in the car, quiet over lunch. Not angry, not upset, but just quiet. It was somehow different than when he was sick, and Alex was a bit pleased at how well he could decipher Nicky’s moods, especially when so much seemed to be shades of the same color. 

Nicky finally spoke after they’d put away their plates. “What do you want to do this summer?”

If Alex had had to guess what Nicky had been thinking about, he would’ve failed.

“This summer? I don’t know.”

There was a bit a crestfallen droop in the bond. “Do you want to go to Russia without me or…”

Alex’s eyes widened. “Oh. No, no. Don’t want that. Want to be with you.”

The bond settled. “Oh. That’s- good. Ok.” 

He couldn’t help but smile. “Have to show you Moscow.” Alex teased. “And then we go Sweden, you show me...whatever weird shit in Sweden.”

Nicky laughed, eyes bright with amusement and already plotting revenge for that comment. “Right, there’s no weird shit in Russia.”

“Everything in Russia totally normal.” Alex said with a toothy grin. 

“Of course.” Nicky shook his head. He looked down, glancing at Alex through his lashes. ‘I thought maybe you’d...you’d want time away from me.’ He admitted. The words were tinged with sadness. 

Alex squeezed his hand. “Never.” He promised. ‘Love you too much.’

Nicky squeezed back. ‘I love you too.’ 

‘Why would you think I don’t want to be with you?’ Alex asked, because that was a misconception he wanted to clear up immediately. 

Nicky shrugged. ‘I thought I annoyed you sometimes.’ He admitted, without looking up. 

Alex reeled him into a hug and kissed his cheek. ‘Oh, Nicky…’ he thought fondly. ‘Of course you annoy me sometimes, I still want to be with you always.’

Nicky giggled at that, pleased and bubbling with warmth. He kissed Alex softly. ‘I want to be with you always too.’

———

They lost game one. 

They lost game two. 

It looked like they could win game three, for a minute, but they lost that one too. 

They lost game four. 

They lost game four. 

They lost game four.

Alex wondered if he stayed in the shower long enough, he wouldn’t have to talk to anyone. No one would interview him, they couldn’t get the mics wet. It was a bit of a hysterical thought, but Alex was feeling more than a bit hysterical. So. 

If he stayed in the shower, he might not have to give an interview, but it was highly unlikely Nicky would entertain that strategy long. 

Nicky. 

Nicky was a dark storm cloud on the horizon, dark and brooding and trying desperately to keep it to himself. 

If Alex had learned anything about Nicky over the season (and he hoped that he had), he’d learned that Nicky was not devoid of strong emotions, like some people thought. Nicky was brimming with it, just like Alex, but Nicky was careful about who got to see. 

The team knew, the young guys at least, and Michael Nylander. But for the most part, the press and the public only really saw his emotions when his temper got the better of him. And that didn’t happen as much towards the end of the season, though not for a lack of frustration. Nicky just learned to hone his emotional control just like he could control the puck.

Nicky did his interviews stoically, wrapped up so tight a seam might burst. Alex eventually came out to do his. 

Nicky slipped away to the showers and Alex could feel everything unwinding, like a magician pulling a comically long scarf from his sleeve. 

Alex followed him. ‘You ok?’ He asked. 

The shower room was mostly empty. Alex was half dressed, standing just outside the spray. 

Nicky shrugged, back towards him. ‘I don’t want the season to be over.’

‘Me neither.’

‘I want to win a cup for you. With you.’ Nicky added after a pause. ‘I want...I want our names on it forever.’

‘I want that too.’ Alex assured him. ‘We’ll do it someday.’

Nicky nodded, not turning around and not looking up. 

‘Let’s go home.’ Alex suggested gently. 

Nicky shrugged one shoulder. The storm cloud was nearly black, everything was tight and uncomfortable. Disappointment swirled like strong winds and regret stung like bits of hail. 

“Nicky?” Alex asked. Nicky finally looked at him, his eyes bloodshot and his lip between his teeth. “Let’s go home.”

Nicky wore Alex’s hoody and kept all the storm clouds at bay until the apartment door clicked shut behind them. Alex already had his arms open when Nicky hugged him, a frustrated sob slipping out and then another. 

Nicky was clinging to him. Alex had an arm around Nicky’s waist and the other hand tangled in his hair, holding him as close as he could. Alex cried too. 

Nicky’s frustration felt like his own. Couldn’t they do enough? Couldn’t they go further? Why couldn’t one thing have gone their way? What more did they need to do; what more did Alex need to do?

‘Sasha…’ Nicky started. ‘It’s not your fault.’

‘Some of it is.’ 

‘It’s not.’ Nicky repeated. He leaned back just enough to look up at him. Nicky looked beautiful all the time, even when he shouldn’t, even when his face was blotchy and his hair a mess and there was a yellowing bruise under his eye. 

Nicky looked especially beautiful in the moments before he kissed Alex, when his eyes closed and his face relaxed and he wasn’t trying so hard.

Nicky kissed Alex up against the wall just inside the front door. He kissed him even though Alex still had a bag over his shoulder and still had gum in his mouth. 

Alex drug him towards the couch, tipping him backwards into it and falling on top of him— Nicky couldn’t quite hide a small “oof”. 

They kissed. They kept kissing. Alex didn’t know what to do except this; he needed this like he needed air to breathe. 

Nicky was just as desperate. Alex still hadn’t adjusted to the feedback loop the bond created, to how drastically Nicky affected him. 

Alex didn’t even realize how hard he was, how close he was, until he shifted his thigh and Nicky groaned as he ground against it. The sound went through Alex like a bolt of electricity and he could feel his cock leaking where it was trapped in his sweats. 

Nicky was squirming beneath him and Alex grabbed his wrists and pinned him down, watching with satisfaction as Nicky’s lips parted and the bond filled with want. 

Nicky drug Alex over the edge with him when he came, or maybe it was the other way around. 

They laid there panting for a few minutes before the contentment Nicky was radiating started to shift towards discomfort. 

“Shower.” He decided. 

Alex joined him; neither of them really wanted to be alone. 

Nicky was watching him carefully, mentally working through something. 

‘You want something?’ Alex asked, prodding him. 

‘Could you…’ Nicky was red. ‘Could you wash my hair? Please?’

Alex kissed his cheek. ‘Yeah, of course.’

Alex massaged shampoo into the blond curls more than he really needed to, but the way it made Nicky feel was almost indescribable. The whole series has gone so badly for them, it was nice to feel something so good again.

Finally, he rinsed his hair and moved onto the conditioner. Nicky gave a quiet sigh of contentment. 

‘Feels good.’ He told him softly. ‘Thank you.’

‘I like to make you feel good.’

Afterwards, they crawled into bed even though it was still relatively early. Nicky was wearing Alex’s clothes and Alex had stolen Nicky’s T-shirt, which had earned him a warm smile. 

Nicky fell asleep wrapped up in Alex’s arms.

Alex woke up the next morning, feeling a bit further removed from the loss the night before. He didn’t feel better about it, but it was hard to be too upset with Nicky snuggled in under is chin. 

Alex shifted and Nicky whined unhappily, his hands gripping a bit tighter. Alex kissed the top of his head. ‘Good morning.’

Nicky was wordlessly disgruntled, burrowing a bit closer. Alex couldn’t help but smile. 

‘I know, it’s terrible.’ He teased. Nicky reluctantly opened his eyes, squinting at Alex. ‘You want breakfast?’

Alex knew the answer was no before Nicky even shook his head, feeling his reticence. 

‘Breakfast in bed?’ He offered. 

‘Do you have to leave?’ Nicky asked. 

Alex shook his head. ‘No, not yet.’ He decided. 

They stayed in bed another hour, with Nicky slowly becoming more awake. Alex felt it as the bond becoming less open, with Nicky a bit more in control of himself. Alex carded his fingers through Nicky’s hair while playing on his phone. 

Finally, Nicky tilted his head back to look up at him. 

“Waffles?” He whispered, inches from Alex’s face. 

Alex kissed him, love swelling up over the bond and temporarily overwhelming him. 

“Waffles.” He agreed, unable to stop smiling. 

Nicky hugged him again, not quite ready to get up. Alex understood; bed was safe, warm, with no one asking them about last season or next season...they didn’t have to think too hard about what went wrong. 

Lying in bed, doing nothing, they only really had to think about what to eat for breakfast, what to do over the summer. 

Eventually, though, they did have to get up. They had to eat. Later, they had to go to clean out their stalls. They had to do exit interviews. 

Last year, Alex had needed a translator. This year, he didn’t. Last year, Alex hasn’t had Nicky; this year he did. 

Exit interviews were somber, but they were all hopeful for the next season. Maybe it would be their year. 

Afterwards, Nicky settled into the front seat of the car and turned up the radio. His hair was tousled in the wind through the open windows, his cheeks were pink, and he smiled at Alex when he caught him staring. 

“What now?”

“Whatever you want.” Alex said, meaning it. 

Nicky laughed, the bond loose and open, warm and bright. “We should go to a beach.”

“Yeah, ok.” Alex agreed. 

They could plan the rest of their summer from an island somewhere, after all.


End file.
